Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
