Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
