I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
