this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
