You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
