For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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