I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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