I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
