What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
