Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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