At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
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