He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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