Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
