i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
