Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
