i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
