I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize