Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Randomize
