FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
