That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
