i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
