I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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