So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize