I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
