as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
