So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
