Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
