my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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