Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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