so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
