He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
