booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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