Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
