You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
