Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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