You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
