I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
