I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
