How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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