OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
