There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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