I have demons in me.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
