The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
