If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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