someone get that fucking seahorse.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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