uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
