So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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