This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
