i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
