I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
