great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
