Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
