the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
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