Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
