i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
