I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
dude. I can hear the air.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
