i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
