I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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