I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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