I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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