i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
