The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
