there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
