those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
