I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
