What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
