it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
