my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
