i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
