I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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