i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
