Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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