Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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