oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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