Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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