ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Is it penis luge time yet?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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