if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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