would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
