Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
