I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
