oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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