dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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