I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
