First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
