then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
home. puking in laundry basket.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Randomize