I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize