I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
