you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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