so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
