Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I have surprise drugs for everyone
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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