Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
