I am full of burrito and curiosity
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
