Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
