pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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