Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
