I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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