walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
