I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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