he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
