I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
