Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
